MARLER V HASKELL ROUND 1

Nothing like a bit of handbags to get me back on the horse.

To be honest, since the Lions series, have been a bit disillusioned with the game, with NZ hammering everyone, England Premiership being reduced to a series of gym monkeys picking and flopping, Pro 14 inexplicably going global and the amateur game dying on its backside as big clubs struggle to field a 2nd team.

However, James Haskell and Joe Marler engaging in handbags has got me excited - wrestling, pulling off scrum caps, spraying water and grabbing by the throat - all pointless nonsense, resulting in a yellow for Haskell, who then pushes and shoves anyone blocking his exit from the pitch :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVlMmUcP6o8

ENGLAND FALL AT FINAL HURDLE

Just as with the England v Scotland game, after 5 minutes, you could sense it was not going to be the away team's day. Ireland were aggressive, ruthless, England were average, overawed, New Zealand were relaxed, smiling.

The Six Nations is a great tournament, 2017 was especially, with every team losing at least one game, offering supporters of all sides (except Italy) their day in the sun (or on the beer), and 3 teams on 14 points a few behind England, the rightly winners. But, no matter how impressive England were against Scotland (who were awful), they struggled against the rest, winning ugly against Wales, France and Italy, and looking second best against a weakened yet proud Ireland.

The 6N Championship but no Slam

Yes, an improving Scotland, a decent Ireland and Wales, plus a record equalling England should in theory create the recipe for the strongest Lions squad in many years. And, yes (again) Warren Gatland has tough choices to make across most positions (even in the starting XV), but the problem is they are not playing a re-building SA or a lightweight Australia, they are playing a brutal, skilful NZ at home, with two tests in the fortress, that is Eden Park, Auckland.

NZ's Super 18 Rugby franchises make up the top 3 places in the Australasian league, with Chiefs and Crusaders unbeaten, and Hurricanes having lost just one game. Anyone who has started their weekends watching Super 18 rugby games will know what the Lions are up against. If England had convincingly beaten Ireland in their own backyard, overtaken NZ's record, they would have laid down an important marker for Northern Hemisphere rugby, and the Kiwis would rightly be feeling nervous. As it is, they fell at that all important final hurdle, and that will mean the Lions starting the tour as firm underdogs.

SCOTLAND SEE COTTER OFF IN STYLE

Yes, Italy are poor, yes, Italy butchered at least two tries, yes, Scotland were at home, BUT, considering this game has been a potential banana skin for them over the last few years, winning 4 tries to nil was a GOOD result.

Scotland's home form this year has been impressive, beating Ireland, Wales and Italy, scoring 9 tries in the process, demonstrating the strides they have made under Vern Cotter. Even in Paris, despite the physical battering they took against France, they still got themselves in a winning position with Swinson's try - if only Russell had converted it, putting them 5 points in front, France might have gone for the big score rater than the penalties which won them the game. England was a bad day. Still they scored 14 tries in total, level with Ireland and only 2 behind England, who scored 7 of those in one game.

Au revoir Vern...bonne chance

They also have more strength in depth than in previous seasons, as, having lost Strauss, Laidlaw, Maitland and Hardie in Paris, replacements like Barclay, Price, Visser and Wilson really stepped up and help the team beat Wales. A sign of how the times has changed is sensible rugby people nominating Seymour, Russell, Watson and Jonny Gray for the Lions squad alongside the immortal Hogg. If Strauss, Laidlaw and Nel weren't injured there may have been more names in the hat.

So Vern is off to Montpelier (in tears), having moved Scotland from 8th to 5th in the world rankings (their highest ever) and improved their basic skills, game management and mental toughness. It is now down to Gregor Townsend to fulfil this side's potential, and take Scotland to the next level by beating a Top 6 side away (France in Paris would be nice), and making a World Cup semi-final.

FRANCE TAKE HONOURS IN LE FARCE

OATH roving reporter "Mark Jones" watched the France v Wales game on Saturday.

An uneventful 80 mins which Wales won, but "oops" forgot about the last 20. Which I think is best described as chaos and farcical. On the whole both teams are, I think, at about same level both well behind NZ and England (and probably Ireland) now.

Thank god, we can now let the England game kick off....

After 15 mins I thought France were going to blow us away at 10-0 but Wales finally woke up and at last took the points and got the scoreboard on their side. However our attack still looks blunt and we dropped too many balls. Slick passing was something neither side could do. But into last few minutes and Wales solid defence looked good and we just about deserved the win. But down came chaos and suddenly a French prop became injured, although he told Wayne Barnes he was not, but luckily a passing Frenchman with a high vis jacket was there to tell him he had a head injury and had to go off to allow their best scrummager (who had been warming up for 10 mins beforehand) to re-appear.

There followed a farce of a scrum x 9, a returning yellow card issued in injury time, an alleged bite and, oh yes, after 100 minutes of play, the inevitable winning French try. 

Well 6 nations is over, and it is clear Wales have some work to do. Bring on next year :)

DOES DOG GATE TELL US ANYTHING?

Does Eddie "mind games" Jones' press conference tell us anything about the pressure the England squad are feeling about the prospect of equalling NZ's record of 18 consecutive wins, or, was he grumpy because his best player (and the best player in Northern hemisphere) was injured, "allegedly" by his dog, and may not be fit for the Scotland game.

Dog trips man

Either way, Vern "stern" Cotter won't care, he is a Kiwi, used to Eddie's deflection tactics and spin. He knows where England are strong (front five, wings, bench) and where they are vulnerable, especially against Scotland (back row at breakdown, half backs, back three). Scotland will strive to start fast, keep the ball in play, create organised chaos and target Ford in the 10 channel. England will want as many scrums and lineouts as possible, and will aim to convert pressure into points, so keeping scoreboard ticking over and making Scotland chase the game. Even if Scotland are in the game after 60 mins, Eddie will empty the bench, bring on his finishers and grind out another close victory.

Hopefully Ireland can win in the Principality Stadium on Friday night, so even if England do beat Scotland on Saturday, the Six Nations will go all the way to the final weekend, and everyone can enjoy the Dublin finale. A fitting end to a great tournament.

My tip is Ireland by 7, England by 10, France by 17 ... enjoy!

POOR ENGLAND NEED TO STUDY THE LAWS

Eddie Jones is canny, he knew his England team had underperformed massively on Sunday, so got on the front foot to create a distraction, and attacked Italy for doing a "Trevor Chappell", in essence, exhibiting unsportsmanlike behaviour. Italy did nothing of the sort and were deservedly 10-5 ahead at half time.

Eddie was obviously trying to protect his players, especially the likes of Owen Farrell, who had a "shocker", from critical press headlines. How Dylan Hartley, James Haskell and the rest of the England elite are not able to think on their feet and play what's in front of them at their stages of their careers is astonishing. Australia have used the tactic, as have the Waikato Chiefs and Toulouse. The reason they don't use it all the time is that most decent teams work out quickly how to counteract it, but not England, the dream team just one win away from equalling New Zealand's record.

What do you mean "we have to work it out?"

Jones is now calling for World Rugby to change the laws (with apparent RFU support), which is an insult to all coaches at all levels. Give us a break, they should turn the tables and throw the book at him. The problem is that so many "Academy" professionals in the modern game are overcoached so can't react to a scenario like that - England, like many teams also lack true leaders capable of coping under pressure and adapting the game plan. Eddie should look at his own performance as he wasn't quick at getting an alternative strategy onto the pitch via a water boy.

If I was Scotland in two weeks time, I would repeat....repeat...repeat

SCOTLAND IN LA LA LAND

Scotland deservedly secured their second win of the 2017 Championship with a 29-13 victory over the Welsh at Murrayfield.

OATH roving reporter, Don "Troosers" Edwards sent us a review from his couch:

Scotland temporarily moved top of the Six Nations with their first win over Wales in 10 years.  Despite dominating in the scrum and in most of the physical confrontations, Wales only led by 13-9 at half-time, thanks to a wonderful try by Liam Williams. Just before the break, Leigh Halfpenny missed an important kick at goal, something that happens about as often as Gordon Reid gets a perm, which would have moved Wales ten points clear at the time. In contrast, Finn Russell kicked everything, with 7 from 7 kicks at goal in an impressive performance from Scotland’s stand-off and replacement kicker.  

After the break, Scotland changed their tactics, and negated the influence of the Welsh back row by taking contact earlier. They then dominated the second half, scoring 20 unanswered points including two excellent tries from their wingers, Tommy Seymour and Tim Visser, who had his best game in a Scotland shirt.  The Welsh scrum-half, Rhys Webb, was the best player on the pitch, and a real nuisance to Scotland throughout.  If his foot had not gone into touch a few milliseconds before touching down from an opportunistic break from the back of a Scottish scrum in the second half, the outcome may have been different.  

Oh crap, I may have to select some Scots to tour NZ

He was well-supported by the powerful Sam Warburton, and his back row colleague Justin Tipuric, who made an awesome try-saving tackle on Huw Jones towards the end of the first half.  For Scotland, Hamish Watson made an early appearance for yet another injury to John Hardie, this one ruling him out of the tournament. Watson was everywhere,  winning important turnovers, with fingers in more pies than a leper on a cookery course.  Wales will need to show more invention and cut back on their errors if they want to beat Ireland in their next match.  Scotland move on to Twickenham in two weeks’ time, with new found belief that they can win there for the first time since 1983.

An alternative match report was sent by Mark "Trebanos" Jones:

From a Welsh point another afternoon of disbelief. From the last few minutes of the first half Wales let the momentum change and fair dues, Scotland did not need to be asked twice. Scotland took control and dominated the second half. Unlike Wales they took their chances and ran out deserved winners. Whilst confused by a fair few referee calls this did not change who were the better team and deserved winners. Nor does it excuse the Welsh bluntness in attack. So back to drawing board for Wales against Ireland in a fortnight - nothing to lose now so maybe some selection changes.  But today Scotland stepped up again and deserve praise. My only question is why you are letting Vern Cotter go!!!!

Big Vern does smile after all...